Saturday, March 17, 2012

Opening Up

I was given some news this week that for some reason has really shook me to my core.  My mother has to have major heart surgery in less than two weeks.  I am not a doc and was not with her when she received the news, so I am just going by what I think I heard.  I think she is having a quadruple bypass.  My brain tells me that she will have the best surgeon doing the work so she will be ok.  My brain tells me that the mortality rate for this is very, very low.  My brain tells me that she is going to come out of this and be the same mother who sends my kids sugar cookies on holidays, who enjoys gardening, who has always been active and a role model for her children and grandchildren.  My brain tells me that her heart is going to be be fine and healthy.  Why then, does my heart hurt so much?
For four days I have been crying at the drop of a hat.  A mini-meltdown in the teachers' lounge, tears while waiting in traffic, sniffles in the shower...  Like I said in the beginning of this post,  this news has really shook me up.  My mom is my best friend, she is the one I STILL want to be when I grow up.  It scares me to death to think of her heart being in hands of a doctor.  This is why - my mom's heart is who she is.  Yes, it is the organ that keeps her alive unscientifically speaking.  But my mom's heart also is the reason we had random children staying with us throughout my childhood, children who needed protection or a home where love who provided unconditionally.  It is the reason that people without food are provided with meals and children without hats are given warm ones to cover their bare heads.  It is the reason that relatives and friends stop by the farm to visit when they are in the neighborhood. It is the reason that the grandchildren and now great-grandchildren feel so treasured.  And for all those reasons and so many more, that I beg and implore the surgeon to take his time with my mom.  Treat her like she is the one and only patient you will ever have.  Make her healthy and give her back to me the way you found her - the most caring, wonderful woman in the world!  Every day, every run, and moment is dedicated to my mom.  I love you!!

10 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry! It's so hard when those we love are not 100%. I completely understand how you feel about your mom - mine is my hero too. I'll be sending good thoughts for your mom!

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    1. Thank you~ it is wonderful to have your support!

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  2. wow...those are some fighting words...i am sure influenced by the woman who raised you!!! A few years back, I found out abruptly that my dad had to have triple bypass...just like that! I was scared, confused, and felt very alone in my thoughts. He is my idol and my best friend still today as my mother had passed away from cancer years prior. As you can tell...all went well for him!
    I feel in my heart that your mother will be safe, and protected during this ordeal... She is very lucky to have such a strong daughter fighting for her and sharing her heart with others on her behalf. I will pray for her...and you along the way!

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    1. Parents are pretty amazing people - thank you for the news on your dad. It puts me to ease.

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  3. Strong and beautiful post! Your mind knows everything will be OK but your own heart ... well, part of it will always belong to your mom.
    I went through the same thing when my mom had a total knee replacement. Her knee, an elective procedure, small compared to what you are going through with you mom, but I was still crying at the drop of a hat. As she recovered I was also taken aback as far as how profoundly it shook me to see the strongest woman in my life weakened and vulnerable. But she recovered and continues to be strong - and I'm praying the same for your mom.

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    1. I think the vulnerability is what scares me the most. Even though I am a "grown up" I still expect to see my mom strong all the time! Thanks for your thoughts.

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  4. Oh, Becky! So sorry to hear of this! How very scary. How is your mom taking this news? I pray everything goes well for the surgery.
    xo

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  5. Just found your blog...and this entry brings tears to my eyes. What a wonderful person your mother must be! Lots of good thoughts and prayers from me.

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